Birthday Basics

I have attended more birthday parties in the past two months than I have in the past twelve years. Given the time of year, (hint, hint) I thought I’d take a moment to share some tidbits on the basics of celebrating a birthday Peruvian style. The following rules have proven true at all the parties I’ve attended, regardless of age, status or location. I went to one party during training, but was too new to the Peruvian party system to appreciate its intricacies. Now I’ve totally gotten the hang of it – and the parties are super fun! Take notes, I’ll expect this in 2011.

Rule #1: The party never ends. Just when you think you’ve survived the fifth hour of dancing, a new guest will arrive with a caja of cerveza. Said guest will greet everyone individually, open up a beer, crank up the tunes and the party starts anew. Seriously, I put in a good 10-hour day at one birthday party and was still bested by about 20 people. I’ve yet to see the end of a party, a decidedly un-Jesster-like move. Often there are shifts of partygoers, an afternoon crowd and an evening crowd. Only the truly diehards even attempt both shifts. I’m beginning to realize my family considers themselves diehards. Or maybe they just really like seeing me dance for hours upon hours. Either way, we’re a two-shift family.

Rule #2: The drinking circle. I’m sure I’ve mentioned this custom in passing in previous postings, but I don’t think I’ve actually explained the art form behind this magical circle. Beers are served in large bottles here (kind of like a 40 by U.S. standards). There is one glass for the entire circle. The bottle of beer and glass start with Person A. Person A pours a shot of beer into the glass and passes the bottle to Person B. Person B holds the bottle while Person A downs the shot. Person A passes the glass to Person B. Person B pours his glass and passes the bottle to Person C. You get the picture. At first I was slightly disgusted by sharing a glass with 20 strangers, but now I’m really into it; it’s a very communal and social way to drink. Plus there are all kinds of weird rules that are fun to discover. For example, when you’re the unlucky one to finish the bottle, not only do you have to find and open the next bottle, but you also have to pour in a sip from the new bottle to get rid of the bad luck. And it starts to get crazy when we introduce an extra glass and bottle going in the opposite direction. Par-tay! These circles are not just for birthday parties; they’re for everything. Soccer games, festivals, parades, cockfights, Sunday afternoons.

Rule #3: You will be fed at least twice. Most birthday parties start in the early afternoon. You arrive, take a seat in a large circle and wait for lunch to be served. Lunch is always served on Styrofoam plates with plastic silverware. Let me tell you, for the inexperienced, it is tough to cut goat with a plastic spoon. I held onto my manners as long as possible, but I finally caved and now eat Peruvian style – sucking the meat off the bone I’m holding in my filthy hands. A couple hours after lunch, you’re served a "snack", which is usually just smaller portions of what you ate for lunch. Although one time we had popcorn. That was pretty exciting and everyone was amazed that I’d eaten popcorn before. A few hours after the snack, you’re served dinner, which is a repeat of lunch and snack. It’s expensive for the hosts to feed everyone, which is why the most popular birthday gift is a caja of beer.

Rule #3b: No cake. This struck me as odd for awhile because Peruvians love their sugary snacks and drinks, but upon further investigation I’ve discovered that big, fancy cakes are a) very expensive or b) impossible to find out in the campo. Oh well, more room for three servings of rice! Extra carbs for extra dancing, which brings me to rule four...

Rule #4: Gringas are popular dance partners. I’m usually the first one on the dance floor and the last one to leave. Women don’t choose dance partners here; we sit demurely in our plastic chairs waiting for an invitation. You don’t stay on the “dance floor” between songs. Once the song ends, everyone goes back to their chairs. Thirty seconds later, everyone is out of their chairs dancing again. I’m still not sure why we have to sit down between songs because it’s not like people aren’t dancing to every song. My best guess is to ensure variety in partners. You also can’t say no to a dance invitation. That would be incredibly rude. Which is why I spent the majority of a recent afternoon dancing with a 75-year-old man who was at least a foot shorter than me. We took a lot of pictures. Granted, it was his birthday.

Rule #4b: Dancing does not start until after at least five spins around the drinking circle. The motivation behind this should be fairly obvious.

Rule #5: Peruvian women never have to use the bathroom. After a few turns around the drinking circle, nature calls for this gringa. Invariably I’m somewhere I’ve never been before, so my usual tactic is to turn to the closest female relative and ask quietly where I could use the bathroom. Now, I am extremely fortunate to have my own bathroom with a toilet. I’d venture to say that 95 percent of the population in this area does not have sewage services, so they use latrines. I’m aware of this fact and am becoming a very low-maintenance girl. I can squat with the best of them. However, no matter how many times I tell my family that I can go anywhere, my inquiries about a bathroom spot always lead to loud shouting across the patio roughly translated as, “hey, my gringa has to pee, but she’s used to a toilet. What should we do?” Slightly embarrassing when everyone turns to look at you. Luckily this only happens once, after being pointed in the right direction, I stick to my spot for the rest of the day. Oddly, no one else ever ventures near my spot. Must be all that weird water I drink. (My host brother is convinced my water is a secret potion that allows me to stay more sober than all the Peruvians. Amateurs.)

Hopefully in my next post I will be able to share some insight as to how it feels when the birthday is your own. At least I’ll know the drill when the “birthday” song comes on (no, not Happy Birthday, some cumbia song) and the guest of honor has to stand in the middle while everyone dances and claps in a circle around him/her.

I’m also happy to report that I finally bought a replacement camera (a little early birthday present to myself). I’m on my way back to site to take pictures of my family, town, house and friends. So stay tuned, This American Life is about to go visual.